Found at the double D mall, part 3:
1. If you haven’t been able to tell by now, the double D is a total snoozefest. The employee of the month at the corningware store is a fine example of how bored she is.
2. But then Butterball woke up the employee of the month to ring up her merchandise: big pots and pans for increased consumption for her dinner parties of one.
Found at the double D mall, part 2:
These 3 Nascar fans cut in front of me as I was trying to buy lingerie at this fine establishment at the double D mall. There was a sale on camo grannie panties.
Seen about 45 min north of the double D (same state): Cheeburger. First of all, in my people’s native tongue, “chee” means poop. Was the “se” forgotten due to ignorance, to save money (typical), or just a common spelling error?! One thing’s for sure though- none of my peoples will be trying out their cheeburgers.
Found at the double D mall, part one:
So today, my family and I went to get a family portrait taken at the double D mall. The photographer wanted to get an initmate brother/sister photograph, and was showing us a book of sibling poses that he had recently taken for us to get some idears. This was one of them. Guess what pose my brother and I chose?!
Found in the double D’s local Indian mart:
1. Chole batura hot pockets. WTF? Since when did Indian women become SO lazy that frozen foods, like hot pockets (!!!) became a sufficient means to feed your hungry husband after a hard days work?! How is this brain food for all the little Indian children that work in the fields all day and study all night? I sniffed the box, and it reminded me of the dirty diaper that someone had put outside of my store door. One step closer to solving the diaper mystery!
2. Indian kitchensticks. Apu has calculated the path to Hogwarts! (for the lazy Indian wives, these kitchensticks assist in a quick escape to avoid getting stoned after lazily serving boiling lava hot pockets for dinner)
I’m not really sure what this means, but sure, I might as well jump on the bandwagon, considering I just roofied myself and washed it down with a couple bottles of Jesus’ blood.
Things we have found on the floor, part one:
1. A fresh dirty diaper. One brisk Sunday morning, as I was half asleep and daydreaming about being back in bed, I walked up to store to unlock and begin the treacherous all day work shift, only to be greeted by a dirty, smelly diaper right next to the door. I almost stepped on it, and the reason I didn’t is because the putrid smell caught me dead in my tracks. Who on earth changed their baby in front of my store?!
2. Someone apparently got a crappy weave put in, cuz a little chunk of it was disregarded on the other side of the register, floating around my store looking for it’s long lost head. Then I found it, picked it up with paper towels, threw it away, and begin contemplating getting a clip-on weave to make my hair look more voluptuous. Thank you, disregarded weave! You have brought more confidence into my life.
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